Well the title sums it up really. I feel totally grumpy and blah today and there is no real reason why. I get like this sometimes but normally it is in the evening and then I just go to bed so the day is over and I wake in a much better mood. Today it is more of a problem as it is only 10am and I have felt blah for over an hour and boy is there lots of the day left yet! (dh is also at work, so it is just me and the kids).
I acually want to just cocoon in bed or on the sofa in silence and do nothing - perhaps watch crap TV and definately stuff my face.............. but of course I can not do that. That is probably the reason why I feel like this, my every thought is obsessing about food, I feel physcially tired, mentally lethargic, worthless, as if I am achieving nothing and my warped logic seems to think that food will help me but of course it will not. I got on the scales this morning and I had lost weight I must rememebr how great that feels and today I am wearing an outfit I have not worn for a while and whilst it is not perfect it feels OK, the top is a 20 rather than a size 22 or 24.
I must focus on and remember why I am taking this incredibly hard journey. I need to ensure that my kids are bought up without the issues that I have. I want them to be well rounded adults whose every thought is not taken up with food. They may be slim or slightly overweight, that will be their choice but I will do everything in my power to ensure that they will be healthy in both body and mind.
All of a sudden it comes to me - what must I do - turn this over to the Lord for this problem is too big and far too close to home for me to deal with alone. Jesus, please help me, be with me and show me your will, fill me with self-control and help me tackle this problem. I trust in you and I am at your mercy. Amen.
I feel slightly better now after a pray and writing this, so now I will change nappies and tidy the kitchen before I collect JJ from sports club. Perhaps I ought to dump the to do list today and just spend time with my kids enjoying them. I am sure I have mentioned before that one of my problems is that I define who I am by what I do, when actually I should be defined by who I am - just being me! Perhaps my self-confidence in this area wil increase in time.
Thanks for reading if you are out there!
