In 100% better mood today. I did not enjoy yesterday at all, I tried not to allow myself to get too low and to wallow in things but I did end up eating a bar of chocolate that was not planned for. Did I feel better for eating it? not really. Did I really enjoy it? not really - must remember that for next time.
Dh and I had a good old chat last night and got some stuff in the open and I feel better for knowing his views but am so sorry I have inadvertently hurt him. He has enough issues without me adding more, so I will try and actively remember to curb my spending and to be good. What is it they say - look after the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves.
I think I am starting to identify that spending/ shopping is my other addiction. I like the thrill of having something new. Where I have lost weight recently I have got all excited and bought a few new things and because they have individually been cheap £3 or £5, then I have told myself it is OK, but I forget it all adds up. So I have some bits to take back and put the money back in our bank account.
It is really crazy as I get seduced by the fact that something is reduced and therefore a good deal but I must stop. I think I will just have to stay away from the shops for now and keep temptation out of my way until I have done some more reading and worked the steps more to learn to see the difference between want and need.
I did not realise but it appears that I am even being compulsive with the food shopping and overspending there. I really do not mean to do that. I said to A last night that maybe I will have a food list which I agree with him and then I can not deviate off it or he can go shopping.
So for now I am on a spending ban. Luckily my gym membership is taken care of out of my salary so I can continue to enjoy that and things like toddlers cost just £1.50 so I will keep going there, but meals out need to be minimal and nights out with the girls stopped etc etc. We are on holiday next week and there will be a cost there and then it is time for the car service and car tax very soon - £400 out the window. I must keep this bigger picture in focus.
I have decided I will look at our spending and the bank account more often, so that A does not have to feel the responsibility is all on him. We are a partnership and we need to strive to do things together.
