Wow, I have been a Mummy for 6 1/4 years now. That is a long time! but not half as long as I hope to be a Mummy for - perhaps at least another 60 years... and maybe I will get to see a Grandchild or two. That just makes me giggle like a little girl, me a Granny - no I can't believe it.
The Mummy Bloggers Carnival over At Wives and Daughters has got me thinking about all the surreal moments that we have as parents. Things we never dreamt we would do or things that just would not happen to us. We are too cool, too detached or just plain too embarrassed for that! Nope, I have now realised us Mummies have no shame - we will do whatever we need to to ensure our babes are safe and as well bought up as can be. Their happiness is our holy grail.
So here are my top 10 surreal mummy moments -
1. Receiving a birthday card for my 30th Birthday from Dennis the Menace, AKA my Bump which of course is now JJ. This was so wonderful as my dh is not one of the emotional types but somehow he had tuned into just how special this first pregnancy was for me.
2. Having a crash section under general and waking an hour later to find dh and JJ cuddling and bonding. I found it so traumatic to be out of it whilst he was born that when I came around I was woozy and did not feel the instant love I thought I would. Turn the clock 48 hours forward and I have had no sleep (yep NO sleep) and I still have JJ at my boob, I have not put him down as yet and all of a sudden I look at him and think 'I have fallen in love with him'. It rates in my top 5 moments of my life.
3. Being in hospital before the birth of my twins as I had pre-eclampsia and the breastfeeding counsellor managing to convince me that expressing my colostrum for the babes would be a great idea. Have you ever done this? Don't. OUUCCHH! Using a syringe to catch those precious drips of gold as this strange woman massages my boobs!
4. After the birth of the twins, seeing these two perfect babes snuggled up together in their tiny see-through hospital cot. They used to snuggle in and hold hands. Ohh it makes me go gooey.
5. Tandem feeding two tiny babies, my boobs were bigger than their heads. I am sat propped up the hospital bed and my door is open and all these visitors are walking past and there are both boobs on show to the world! oh dear, the shame...
6. Going shopping without the babies and still pushing that trolley back and forwards, back and forwards. I don't want the invisible baby to cry!
7. Running out the house for a doctors appointment a couple of weeks after the birth of the twins. JJ strapped in, one of the twins is strapped in and whoops, look in the rear view mirror - where is the other? Oh inside in her cot still. Bad, bad Mummy.
8. The fact that I love my kids so much. I never wanted children, I always hated kids, I never babysat, I never even held a baby until JJ was born. Then all of a sudden this hard-arse woman turns into a mountain of goo. How amazing is it when they first smile at you, giggle, stroke your face, say Mummy or tell you they 'lub you'?
9. The first parents evening! That was so scary and then they told us he was OK, he was a bright boy, a bit slow on the social development but very smart none the less. Whoopie!
10. Helping my big boy learn to ride his bike without stabilisers. He was 'King of the Bikes' and I was 'Queen Mummy' for a day. We both felt so proud and it is a very special bond between us now.
So there are my top 10 surreal mummy moments for now.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
My own advice to my self-pitying self today!
I came onto the PC this morning as I have nothing much planned today and as Mum is here to supervise the kids, I thought what better time than now to catch up with some of my favourite blogs and to think about my 10 most surreal mummy moments. An hour of mummy time - bliss.
However, I am now feeling all sad. This happens to me sometimes, I am on a high and feeling good about the world (dh and I had a wonderful time at our marriage course last night. I'll post about it another time) and then one tiny thing can make it feel like it has all come tumbling down. I know it is crazy and illogical but I suppose you just can not tell what will affect you. For someone who appears so robust to the outside world I am a fragile little flower inside. Shall I let you into a secret? and it is not one I am proud of - I want to be liked and I want to be part of the gang. Anyone else suffer from this affliction?
Logically I have no idea why. I have lots of good real life friends, loads of fab virtual friends, great parents, a hubby I love, super kids etc but still I want to be liked and to fit in. I remember how hard I found the playground mummy gangs at first when JJ started going to school 3 years ago. I would worry they were meeting without me and yes occasionally people were. Why? because they knew each other pre-school or because I was at work. It took me about 2 years to realise that I actually did not have the time to become part of their gang and do all the things they did. That would mean I would not see my other friends, the ones I actually have loads in common with the enjoy spending time with. So now I have a great balance, I get invited to things and sometimes I go and sometimes I don't but we are always friendly.
But today...............I am feeling like the unpopular girl at school. This blogging world is still all new to me, I am just getting into twitter, BMB, commenting on others blogs, doing meme's, getting awards and recently entering my first carnivals. On the one hand it is thoroughly exciting and on the other I feel as if I am setting myself up to get hurt.
Now, this post is by no means on the theme of cliques or bloggers not being nice to me. Let me be clear everyone has been very nice to me (see my thank you post), not one bad word has been muttered in my direction. Loads of encouragement has been received and already I feel as if I have made a couple of friends. I know that this sadness I have today is internal, it is only generated by me. It is from that slushy emotional self that I can not seem to control. If I spoke to anyone in my ED group they would probably tell me it is because I am not working my program and that the addict in me is on self-destruct mode, that if I can get abstinent and refrain from compulsive over-eating that my perspective will return. Then I might have Christian friends telling me this is spiritual attack, that the devil wants to steal my joy and crush the good in my life so I turn to the bad. Both groups might have a point but ultimately I know that I just need to turn things over to God and get a grip! You are only as unhappy as you chose to be. Wake up and smile and choose to be happy and do not dwell on the crap. That is my own advice to my self-pitying self today!
Shall I tell you now, why I feel sad? It is because I did not make it into the current Mummy Bloggers Carnival. I know - life shattering stuff hey! I feel as if I put myself out there and submitted my first post for a carnival and then I did not get a mention. Some of the problem is that I do not really know the way they work. I saw Insomniac Mummy's great carnival and it had nearly 60 posts and was really inclusive and I thought 'ohh, I would like to be part of that'. So I submitted a post for this one and just 25 are in this one (I have no idea how many were submitted or what the norm is) and mine is not one of them and that is fine as I know I do not write anywhere near as well as many, many other bloggers but I just wonder how they were chosen. Does the host choose to their own criteria - the posts they like best, those with the most comments, those that fit a theme, pot luck?
So what did I expect? I suppose as a minimum I would just expect an email back saying 'sorry you did not make it into this carnival, try again next time'....... but maybe I am just being a whiny baby and should get a life and forget it. This post is not meant as a dig to the current host it is just me getting it off my chest.
So I leave you feeling much better that I have got all this out. After all that was the reason I started this blog initially to ensure that I did not internalise too much and dwell on it. I can now enjoy the last day of my 'at home holiday'.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Go on be honest with me - have I taken this too personally?
However, I am now feeling all sad. This happens to me sometimes, I am on a high and feeling good about the world (dh and I had a wonderful time at our marriage course last night. I'll post about it another time) and then one tiny thing can make it feel like it has all come tumbling down. I know it is crazy and illogical but I suppose you just can not tell what will affect you. For someone who appears so robust to the outside world I am a fragile little flower inside. Shall I let you into a secret? and it is not one I am proud of - I want to be liked and I want to be part of the gang. Anyone else suffer from this affliction?
Logically I have no idea why. I have lots of good real life friends, loads of fab virtual friends, great parents, a hubby I love, super kids etc but still I want to be liked and to fit in. I remember how hard I found the playground mummy gangs at first when JJ started going to school 3 years ago. I would worry they were meeting without me and yes occasionally people were. Why? because they knew each other pre-school or because I was at work. It took me about 2 years to realise that I actually did not have the time to become part of their gang and do all the things they did. That would mean I would not see my other friends, the ones I actually have loads in common with the enjoy spending time with. So now I have a great balance, I get invited to things and sometimes I go and sometimes I don't but we are always friendly.
But today...............I am feeling like the unpopular girl at school. This blogging world is still all new to me, I am just getting into twitter, BMB, commenting on others blogs, doing meme's, getting awards and recently entering my first carnivals. On the one hand it is thoroughly exciting and on the other I feel as if I am setting myself up to get hurt.
Now, this post is by no means on the theme of cliques or bloggers not being nice to me. Let me be clear everyone has been very nice to me (see my thank you post), not one bad word has been muttered in my direction. Loads of encouragement has been received and already I feel as if I have made a couple of friends. I know that this sadness I have today is internal, it is only generated by me. It is from that slushy emotional self that I can not seem to control. If I spoke to anyone in my ED group they would probably tell me it is because I am not working my program and that the addict in me is on self-destruct mode, that if I can get abstinent and refrain from compulsive over-eating that my perspective will return. Then I might have Christian friends telling me this is spiritual attack, that the devil wants to steal my joy and crush the good in my life so I turn to the bad. Both groups might have a point but ultimately I know that I just need to turn things over to God and get a grip! You are only as unhappy as you chose to be. Wake up and smile and choose to be happy and do not dwell on the crap. That is my own advice to my self-pitying self today!
Shall I tell you now, why I feel sad? It is because I did not make it into the current Mummy Bloggers Carnival. I know - life shattering stuff hey! I feel as if I put myself out there and submitted my first post for a carnival and then I did not get a mention. Some of the problem is that I do not really know the way they work. I saw Insomniac Mummy's great carnival and it had nearly 60 posts and was really inclusive and I thought 'ohh, I would like to be part of that'. So I submitted a post for this one and just 25 are in this one (I have no idea how many were submitted or what the norm is) and mine is not one of them and that is fine as I know I do not write anywhere near as well as many, many other bloggers but I just wonder how they were chosen. Does the host choose to their own criteria - the posts they like best, those with the most comments, those that fit a theme, pot luck?
So what did I expect? I suppose as a minimum I would just expect an email back saying 'sorry you did not make it into this carnival, try again next time'....... but maybe I am just being a whiny baby and should get a life and forget it. This post is not meant as a dig to the current host it is just me getting it off my chest.
So I leave you feeling much better that I have got all this out. After all that was the reason I started this blog initially to ensure that I did not internalise too much and dwell on it. I can now enjoy the last day of my 'at home holiday'.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Go on be honest with me - have I taken this too personally?
Sunday, 14 February 2010
Notes from the Heart....
Yesterday I mentioned Kat and her great Dear So and So posts. I thought I would try my own:
Dear Beautiful Twinnies,
Mummy is so happy that you have taken to potty training and that we have now been about a week without any accidents outside of the house. You are such clever little girls.
Keep it up, love you Mummy xxx
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss M,
I love you, I adore you but sometimes you make me so mad. Please will you stop testing my patience and throwing yourself to the floor when you do not get your way. It is embarrassing to have to carry you round the shops by your reigns and look like the recipient of a bad mother award!
Your Exhausted and frazzled Mum
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear dh,
I am really looking forward to starting our course tomorrow night. It will be great to spend some 'us time' together and I am secretly hoping all this talking and sharing might lead to some post course cuddles, *wink wink!*
Love you babe, Mich x
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Right Little Man,
You need to listen to your Mummy (and teacher) more! You are so intelligent and high maintenance that I just can not keep up with your demands for attention. I have no idea how to discipline you any more, it is not as if you get away with murder. What do I need to do to get you to listen and calm down?
Your Mummy (who will always love you no matter what!) xxx
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Dear Sun Holidays,
You are really sh**e and I am never booking with you again.
Goodbye, disgruntled customer
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Dear Table, Table Restaurant,
We had a fab meal earlier and the girl serving us was great but why did it take you 20 minutes to take my money when we had two tired 2 year olds causing mayhem? Have you ever wondered why you do not get any tips???
Yours sincerely, Customer with the full belly
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Colleagues at work,
Ha, Ha I am off all this week. Ner ner ner ner!
From your childish Team Leader!
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Dear Weather,
We are planning a family day to London at the end of this week. Could you please play ball and keep the snow and rain away.
I am so over the snow! Michelle
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Dear Mr Morrisons, Sainsburys, Tesco et al,
Please, please could you stop stocking ALL yummy food. I have a problem with food and need to stop eating it (well not all of it, but the useless calories) and your shelves keep whispering sweet nothings at me is not what I need
From the Fat Pig in Herts
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Readers,
It is such a pleasure getting to know you.
Grateful, Mummy from the Heart.....
Dear Beautiful Twinnies,
Mummy is so happy that you have taken to potty training and that we have now been about a week without any accidents outside of the house. You are such clever little girls.
Keep it up, love you Mummy xxx
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss M,
I love you, I adore you but sometimes you make me so mad. Please will you stop testing my patience and throwing yourself to the floor when you do not get your way. It is embarrassing to have to carry you round the shops by your reigns and look like the recipient of a bad mother award!
Your Exhausted and frazzled Mum
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear dh,
I am really looking forward to starting our course tomorrow night. It will be great to spend some 'us time' together and I am secretly hoping all this talking and sharing might lead to some post course cuddles, *wink wink!*
Love you babe, Mich x
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Right Little Man,
You need to listen to your Mummy (and teacher) more! You are so intelligent and high maintenance that I just can not keep up with your demands for attention. I have no idea how to discipline you any more, it is not as if you get away with murder. What do I need to do to get you to listen and calm down?
Your Mummy (who will always love you no matter what!) xxx
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sun Holidays,
You are really sh**e and I am never booking with you again.
Goodbye, disgruntled customer
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Table, Table Restaurant,
We had a fab meal earlier and the girl serving us was great but why did it take you 20 minutes to take my money when we had two tired 2 year olds causing mayhem? Have you ever wondered why you do not get any tips???
Yours sincerely, Customer with the full belly
------------------------------------------------------------------
Colleagues at work,
Ha, Ha I am off all this week. Ner ner ner ner!
From your childish Team Leader!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Weather,
We are planning a family day to London at the end of this week. Could you please play ball and keep the snow and rain away.
I am so over the snow! Michelle
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr Morrisons, Sainsburys, Tesco et al,
Please, please could you stop stocking ALL yummy food. I have a problem with food and need to stop eating it (well not all of it, but the useless calories) and your shelves keep whispering sweet nothings at me is not what I need
From the Fat Pig in Herts
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Readers,
It is such a pleasure getting to know you.
Grateful, Mummy from the Heart.....
Saturday, 13 February 2010
The Thank Yous.....
I don't have any great fun way to say this, I wish I did but like always all I can do is be me and be honest. When you are at Uni or in sales or marketing or anything like that they always talk about your USP (unique selling point) and you can probably tell that I have never given mine for this blog much thought. I suppose the overriding factor of this blog is that I am honest and very open and that I do not fluff over things. If things are crap I will spell it out. I secretly wish I could be like some other bloggers and be witty and creative in my writing but lets be honest I never even took English at GCSE, this is the girl who preferred to do drama!
This blog was created as an outlet for me and created on a whim, then not used for a year! I find writing this blog completely therapeutic and in the last month I have found it very consuming as well, as I learn about all the things to do with Mummy blogging and get to know loads of wonderful new people.
So what am I wittering about here? I just want to say thank you really to lots of people and this is my way of doing so....
Sticky Fingers, Tara
Thank you for writing a blog which inspired me to be a mummy blogger rather than just a depressed overeater writing her own self-indulgent diary.
House of Twins, Jo
Thanks for being a real life twin mummy friend and for being my first (and for about a year only! lol) google follower.
It's a Mummy's Life, Holly
Thank you for being you. I feel as if I get you and you visit me regularly. That rocks!
Young and Younger, Heather and Two {become} four (is it Rebbecca?)
Thank you for being superstar twin mummies and both awarding me the lovely Sunshine award, thus making my weekend! Twin Mums rock!
Little Mummy, Erica
Thanks for your great e-bloggers course that she is sending me - for free! You can get it to if you like.
Crystal Jigsaw
Thanks for being super friendly to me and giving me helpful tips when I first dipped my toe into the sea that is twitter (I am still only ankle deep!)
The Mad House, Jen
Thanks for having wonderful creative ideas and sharing them too. Still loving those lolly flowers for valentines
The Life of the Twenty Something Mum, Claire
Thanks for tagging me for a meme when I was still very new on the scene and being really sweet and kind to me when she was having a tough bloggy time herself.
3 Bedroom Bungalow to let In Crazy Town, Kat
Dear Kat, I have only just found your blog recently but already your Dear so and so posts have made my belly hurt from laughing! Thanks, Mich x
Bringing up Charlie, The Dotterel AKA Tim
Thanks for including me in a blog post to encourage others to check out new blogs (namely mine!), thanks also for being a super friendly Daddy blogger.
To all the other people who subscribe to my blog and leave me great comments. You make my day! Thanks.
So, all you wonderful people above, consider yourself tagged for this Sunshine Award (if you have not been already). You and your blogs are inspirational and fill my world with Sunshine. I look forward to seeing who you tag and maybe discovering a new blog or two. I have also just sat here for 30 minuets or so and tracked back where this award came from and that has been an interesting journey with some new finds. Amazing how an award moves across the blogsphere!
Here are the rules for accepting this little slice of sunshine award -
• Put the Logo on your sidebar, or within a post.
• Pass the award onto 12 Bloggers that you think are ace.
• Link the nominees within your post.
• Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
• Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.
A lucky Escape...
I was still mourning the loss of my weekend away last night when finally Mum and I made the decision that we would definitely not go to Pontins for the cheapo break. I am so glad we did not bother. I have just found some reviews and not really one of them says anything good, it looks like we had a lucky escape....and of course the lovely Mummy and Daddy gave me back my money so I am not out of pocket, thank you.
Anyway onto more positive things, I am totally enjoying having my holiday at home. I think as we went away to Mum and Dad's for a couple of days and I had to come back and unpack today it really felt as thought we were coming on holiday here. Mum and I drove up and started playing the game 'ohh the chalet looks nice', 'yes drive out the front and a garden at the back', 'Wow, look at the size of that TV', 'and kids toys here already - result!'. We jumped on the beds 'very nice' commented Mum and we run the water and turned the heating on. All the things I do when I get to a self catering holiday venue. Yes I am very pleasantly surprised with this particular holiday home.
We then kept with the holiday theme and after unpacking took the kids out on a bus (the first time for me in years - it costs a bomb!) and into town for a Maccy D's tea. I have bought some craft bits for some fun tomorrow and Mum and I enjoyed an Indian take away once the kid all went off to bed (beautifully as the beds were so familiar! lol).
I am determined not to come on here too much (as I would not have a PC on a real holiday) and also I am not going to do any proper cleaning until Wednesday and my Mum goes home. I will try and do exactly what we would do if on holiday. Forget my surroundings and delight in my kids. So you might not see me much in the next few days and if you do politely tell me to p**s off please!
Friday, 12 February 2010
My Ugly Valentine!
Let me take you back to 1994, I was a mere 20, about 3 dress sizes smaller, I had no lines and I was getting ready to finish my first degree. It is Easter and I am so excited as I am flying to Gran Canaria on my own to meet my boyfriend of 5 years. He is already out there working and setting things up for us so that I can join him for a summer of love as soon as I finish my finals. No point in him staying in cold blighty just waiting for me to do my studying? right, so off he goes in February to work in a club as a bar man and share a place with a friend who lives out there.
Now this is a man or should I say boy, lets call him Mr Bald Dreamer (there are numerous names I could choose for him but I like to keep my blog clean!) who has already done the dirty on me one or two times before and yes I stupidly took him back, who loves to flirt, who has lost all his money numerous times over, who lies habitually and is probably the most cheesy, friendly guy alive and I said 'yes, you go off and enjoy yourself and I will see you at Easter!' doh Can you guess where this is heading?
So I arrive in Gran Canaria and meet him (after carefully re-applying my lipstick and fluffing my hair) and I had that big reunion planned. You know the one you see on films, where the lovers run to each other and the man grabs the woman and swings her round. The world has stopped except for them and their love! No, reality check - we have a hug and a quick kiss and off we go to his car. He then informs me he has to work the whole 2 weeks I am there (every night!) but apparently that will be OK as we will have the days together, after he gets to bed at 4am that is....
I get back to his place and true to his form the first thing he wants to do is go to bed and it just is not anything special. That spark had gone, I was starting to get upset by now but holding it together that a true Brit. So off he goes to work that night and I stay in his apartment and watch some videos and read a book, apparently I can come to the bar and sit there like a sad sap if I fancy. After about 5 hours of being alone I go for the sad sap option and get all dressed up, determined to show him what he is missing. About to head off to the bar, I look at a pinboard in his room and there are loads of pictures of him with holiday makers, mostly girls but that is OK as that is the kind of guy he is. Then I see one and his arm is round her waist in exactly the way it used to be round my waist. I carefully study all the other pictures and yes they all show him with his arm around every other girls shoulders. So there she is, the new love! I am convinced of it. So convinced of it that the 20 year old me feels it is just to ramshackle his room and go through all his belongings including locked boxes. What do I find? tons of pictures and love letters from hundreds (I kid you not! and I have just had sex with this guy - stupid, stupid girl) of women and loads from this same woman who seems to think she is coming to spend the summer in Gran Canaria with him - hang on wasn't that my plan?
Now what would a rational person do at this point? Who knows, I can only tell you what I did. Off to the bar I went and befriended all the Spanish waiters, got very, very drunk and flirted lots. Then when he came round the bar for a kiss to do the manly territorial thing I slap him as hard as I can and throw a jug of beer over him. Can I hear you cheering? It felt really good, my heart had broken in half of course but I loved embarrassing him like that!
That was day 1 of a 2 week holiday, where we were supposed to share a room and bed! The rest of the holiday was a write off, his room mate came back to find me so pissed I was sat outside the apartments with my case packed convinced a taxi was coming to take me home. How different things would be nowadays if this happened, as a confident woman armed with a credit card I would just go home on the first plane but at age 20 with my first love in tatters I choose to stay and endure 2 weeks. My Mum tells me now of how agonising it was for her to hear me sob on the phone, hundreds of miles away.
The question I could never seem to get a decent answer to was why Mr Bald Dreamer just did not take the easy option and dump me over the phone, why make me come hundreds of miles and be all alone to deal with it.
The good news - it toughened me up, I did so much revision for my degree that I got a 2:1 and boy had I been slacking until that point, this lead to a good job which lead to me meeting my now husband in December of the same year, I also had the most fab tan and I became comfortable in my own company. So it was not all bad or ugly but it was definitely a defining moment in my life. It was the time I grew up most.
So where is Mr Bald Dreamer today? Who knows? I suppose I could google him as suggested by Its a Mummy's Life but I just can not be arsed if I am honest, he means zilch to me now. I have a wonderful man who I love and we have three amazing children who are a real mix of the two of us together. Only our special blend of love could of produced those kids and they are perfection!
So, this Valentines I will be spending it with my dh and we are starting a Christian based marriage course. Not because there is anything wrong with our marriage but because this provides us with 6 weeks of intimate dinners for 2 and the time and space to converse alone on some interesting subjects. I have heard from friends that it can be a really uplifting course and has taken their marriage to the next level..................... that I look forward to. I love you A. x
Now this is a man or should I say boy, lets call him Mr Bald Dreamer (there are numerous names I could choose for him but I like to keep my blog clean!) who has already done the dirty on me one or two times before and yes I stupidly took him back, who loves to flirt, who has lost all his money numerous times over, who lies habitually and is probably the most cheesy, friendly guy alive and I said 'yes, you go off and enjoy yourself and I will see you at Easter!' doh Can you guess where this is heading?
So I arrive in Gran Canaria and meet him (after carefully re-applying my lipstick and fluffing my hair) and I had that big reunion planned. You know the one you see on films, where the lovers run to each other and the man grabs the woman and swings her round. The world has stopped except for them and their love! No, reality check - we have a hug and a quick kiss and off we go to his car. He then informs me he has to work the whole 2 weeks I am there (every night!) but apparently that will be OK as we will have the days together, after he gets to bed at 4am that is....
I get back to his place and true to his form the first thing he wants to do is go to bed and it just is not anything special. That spark had gone, I was starting to get upset by now but holding it together that a true Brit. So off he goes to work that night and I stay in his apartment and watch some videos and read a book, apparently I can come to the bar and sit there like a sad sap if I fancy. After about 5 hours of being alone I go for the sad sap option and get all dressed up, determined to show him what he is missing. About to head off to the bar, I look at a pinboard in his room and there are loads of pictures of him with holiday makers, mostly girls but that is OK as that is the kind of guy he is. Then I see one and his arm is round her waist in exactly the way it used to be round my waist. I carefully study all the other pictures and yes they all show him with his arm around every other girls shoulders. So there she is, the new love! I am convinced of it. So convinced of it that the 20 year old me feels it is just to ramshackle his room and go through all his belongings including locked boxes. What do I find? tons of pictures and love letters from hundreds (I kid you not! and I have just had sex with this guy - stupid, stupid girl) of women and loads from this same woman who seems to think she is coming to spend the summer in Gran Canaria with him - hang on wasn't that my plan?
Now what would a rational person do at this point? Who knows, I can only tell you what I did. Off to the bar I went and befriended all the Spanish waiters, got very, very drunk and flirted lots. Then when he came round the bar for a kiss to do the manly territorial thing I slap him as hard as I can and throw a jug of beer over him. Can I hear you cheering? It felt really good, my heart had broken in half of course but I loved embarrassing him like that!
That was day 1 of a 2 week holiday, where we were supposed to share a room and bed! The rest of the holiday was a write off, his room mate came back to find me so pissed I was sat outside the apartments with my case packed convinced a taxi was coming to take me home. How different things would be nowadays if this happened, as a confident woman armed with a credit card I would just go home on the first plane but at age 20 with my first love in tatters I choose to stay and endure 2 weeks. My Mum tells me now of how agonising it was for her to hear me sob on the phone, hundreds of miles away.
The question I could never seem to get a decent answer to was why Mr Bald Dreamer just did not take the easy option and dump me over the phone, why make me come hundreds of miles and be all alone to deal with it.
The good news - it toughened me up, I did so much revision for my degree that I got a 2:1 and boy had I been slacking until that point, this lead to a good job which lead to me meeting my now husband in December of the same year, I also had the most fab tan and I became comfortable in my own company. So it was not all bad or ugly but it was definitely a defining moment in my life. It was the time I grew up most.
So where is Mr Bald Dreamer today? Who knows? I suppose I could google him as suggested by Its a Mummy's Life but I just can not be arsed if I am honest, he means zilch to me now. I have a wonderful man who I love and we have three amazing children who are a real mix of the two of us together. Only our special blend of love could of produced those kids and they are perfection!
So, this Valentines I will be spending it with my dh and we are starting a Christian based marriage course. Not because there is anything wrong with our marriage but because this provides us with 6 weeks of intimate dinners for 2 and the time and space to converse alone on some interesting subjects. I have heard from friends that it can be a really uplifting course and has taken their marriage to the next level..................... that I look forward to. I love you A. x
Thursday, 11 February 2010
I'm having a holiday at home! and it cost me £105... bargain!
We were supposed to be going to Pontins tomorrow in Rye, Sussex and guess what? They have over a foot of snow there currently. I am supposed to be taking two 2 year olds and a 6 year old as well as my trusty helper (also known as Mum). I was so looking forward to 3 nights away with no men to pander to (come on lets be honest, as useful and lovely as they are they also take some looking after). Shopping, playing and having fun with 4 of my favourite people was going to be great but we are not going.
I am a complete woss when it comes to driving in the snow and seeing as the weather is supposed to continue to be crap there and I have now found out that Rye it is known for its strong north winds it seems crazy to drive 100 miles to perhaps spend the whole time in a budget room, sleeping on an uncomfy couch!
I booked one of the Sun deals to get this holiday, you know the one that claims it will just cost you £9.50 per person. Well this cost me £105 for 5 people when you start to add everything in and they tell me that if I do not come I can not have any money refunded, not even the linen that we will not use and they will not have to launder! doh. Why am I so diligent to pay in advance. If only I left the last £58 to pay when I got there. Lesson learnt. Lesson also learnt not to book a Sun holiday again, their online system kept crashing and took me 3 hours to book. In the end they charged me £49 x 3 and booked two duplicate holidays. This took me 12 emails which they have still never answered ! and 3 lengthy calls to Pontins to get sorted and all for nothing.
So we are at my parents at the moment and will stay here until Saturday morning and then as we were due to be away dh has booked to work and stay in London. So, me Mum and the kids will have a holiday at my house. I am looking forward to it really - not the £105 it cost me but I love the fact that I know the food is good, it is clean, there is a washing machine, a nice hot shower and good central heating - what more do I need? I have vowed to stay away from the cleaning until Mum leaves next Wednesday. We can just enjoy ourselves and go out and do all the things we would of done at Pontins. Not so long until we go to Butlins in April anyway - please Lord do not let there be snow in April!
I am a complete woss when it comes to driving in the snow and seeing as the weather is supposed to continue to be crap there and I have now found out that Rye it is known for its strong north winds it seems crazy to drive 100 miles to perhaps spend the whole time in a budget room, sleeping on an uncomfy couch!
I booked one of the Sun deals to get this holiday, you know the one that claims it will just cost you £9.50 per person. Well this cost me £105 for 5 people when you start to add everything in and they tell me that if I do not come I can not have any money refunded, not even the linen that we will not use and they will not have to launder! doh. Why am I so diligent to pay in advance. If only I left the last £58 to pay when I got there. Lesson learnt. Lesson also learnt not to book a Sun holiday again, their online system kept crashing and took me 3 hours to book. In the end they charged me £49 x 3 and booked two duplicate holidays. This took me 12 emails which they have still never answered ! and 3 lengthy calls to Pontins to get sorted and all for nothing.
So we are at my parents at the moment and will stay here until Saturday morning and then as we were due to be away dh has booked to work and stay in London. So, me Mum and the kids will have a holiday at my house. I am looking forward to it really - not the £105 it cost me but I love the fact that I know the food is good, it is clean, there is a washing machine, a nice hot shower and good central heating - what more do I need? I have vowed to stay away from the cleaning until Mum leaves next Wednesday. We can just enjoy ourselves and go out and do all the things we would of done at Pontins. Not so long until we go to Butlins in April anyway - please Lord do not let there be snow in April!
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Wordless Wednesday. A portrait of Mummy by JJ, 4.5 years
I love this drawing, it is well loved, very creased and even a little ripped now. It is normally on my wall at work but when I saw it there today I just knew I had to share with you all.
JJ drew this when he was 4.5 years and the twins were babies. I was forever saying I only have 2 hands as he always wanted things when I was busy, so he drew me a new Mummy with enough heads, arms and (bizarrely) belly buttons for all 3 of my kids.
JJ drew this when he was 4.5 years and the twins were babies. I was forever saying I only have 2 hands as he always wanted things when I was busy, so he drew me a new Mummy with enough heads, arms and (bizarrely) belly buttons for all 3 of my kids.
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Chasing Rainbows
God painted you a rainbow
the day that you received
His gift of love and hope and peace
the hour you first believed.
Just cling on to that rainbow
and hold his promise near
His joy will always be with you
to dry up every tear.
Each step along the journey
You'll have his hand to hold
keep your eyes fixed on that rainbow
until you reach the gold.
I was blown away when I heard this, it felt like such a powerful poem, written by a friend from Church. I knew instantly I had to share it with more people. My friend has such a talent and writes numerous poems, some simple and and beautiful like this and others wordy and complex. What do you think - does it appeal to non Christians too?
Last night I was very blessed to listen to someone do a talk on Chasing Rainbows. In a Christian context the rainbow is a sign of God's promises and it is something beautiful and positive. The talk was very much what I needed to hear and it reminded me that God has a plan for me and that all will be revealed in His time. He gives His gifts/ or fulfils His promises at the right time not at the time we believe is right. Sometimes we go through hardships or growing pains to be ready to receive the gift and sometimes it comes quickly. The knack is not to lose sight of the rainbow.
We were reminded that too many people focus on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, when what we should do is enjoy each part of the rainbow and every day can be a blessing when you live in that moment and take time to look around you. I took this on board this morning and had a swim before work and I really enjoyed feeling my arms coming in and out of the water, listening to my calm breathing and feeling the wet on my face. The sun was glistening through the window and for those 30 minutes I had my own little slice of heaven right there in the pool surrounded by people, who to me did not exist as I was just chatting to God and enjoying 'our' time.
The last thing said to us last night was 'Every grey cloud contains the promise of a rainbow'. How inspiring and psoitive is that?
Saturday, 6 February 2010
Super Saturday. I'm a lucky girl...
My how times change when we have kids, or they certainly have for me. Go back 6.5 years and you may find me enjoying a Saturday in London, spending money in the shops, having a lovely lunch at a swanky restaurant, meeting friends or dh, perhaps the theatre in the evening, another meal and maybe even stay over in a nice 4 or 5*. Not so any more, the money is not there and that is Ok as we consciously made the decision to have far less money and far more time with the children.
So what makes me feel like a lucky girl today? Well it is those simple things -
I always said I would not be one of those Mums whose kids went to tons of clubs and they run round like loonies to accommodate the kids. I think what I specifically did not like was the competitive mums (you know the ones!) that had their children doing a club every day of the week - French Club, then maths tuition, then swimming, then violin lessons, then ballet and then a day of drama on Saturday. At one point JJ was doing Beavers and Boys Brigade on an evening and Sports Club on a Saturday morning and this felt like too much. When was his time just to play in the garden? and when was my time to just cuddle up with the kids? I think some of the problem comes that you get home from school at 3.40pm and then the club starts at 5.15pm so madly I cook dinner and shove it down their throats to rush out to drop off and then by 6.25pm I am out again to pick JJ up.
I dread when both girls want to go to clubs as well and then I will have 3 children to try and get to numerous places. Call me selfish but I think I will try and limit their activities to ensure there is a balance of getting the extra curricular fun and then taking time at home to be kids and to play.
How do you feel about the chasing around for clubs?
So what makes me feel like a lucky girl today? Well it is those simple things -
- dh getting up at 5am with pesky Miss M who wanted the toilet, her dummy, water, milk and anything else she could muster the strength to ask for
- getting cuddles with all 3 kids in my bed (whilst poor dh has gone to work)
- taking an hour to read a good book (in bed) whilst the kids played and did some drawing on the floor
- doing my toe and finger nails (in bed, can you see a theme for this morning??) with the girls trying to help me ('my help you mummy', 'ohh painting', 'pink, pretty!' etc)
- having a lovely shower and hair wash in peace whilst the kids all made music together (yes a bit of a din but at least they were not arguing)
- pottering about the house and getting the bathroom cleaned, my bed changed, upstairs tided, dishes sorted, washing on, all with double mini assistance (*ahem*)
- now we are off out for lunch at pizza hut (if the 50% off voucher ever arrives by email! grr)
- then tonight dh and I are off to a murder, mystery evening which should be good fun.
I always said I would not be one of those Mums whose kids went to tons of clubs and they run round like loonies to accommodate the kids. I think what I specifically did not like was the competitive mums (you know the ones!) that had their children doing a club every day of the week - French Club, then maths tuition, then swimming, then violin lessons, then ballet and then a day of drama on Saturday. At one point JJ was doing Beavers and Boys Brigade on an evening and Sports Club on a Saturday morning and this felt like too much. When was his time just to play in the garden? and when was my time to just cuddle up with the kids? I think some of the problem comes that you get home from school at 3.40pm and then the club starts at 5.15pm so madly I cook dinner and shove it down their throats to rush out to drop off and then by 6.25pm I am out again to pick JJ up.
I dread when both girls want to go to clubs as well and then I will have 3 children to try and get to numerous places. Call me selfish but I think I will try and limit their activities to ensure there is a balance of getting the extra curricular fun and then taking time at home to be kids and to play.
How do you feel about the chasing around for clubs?
Thursday, 4 February 2010
Potty Tastic!!
I am having a PMM (Proud Mummy Moment) Just when the potty training was getting on my nerves as the girls still seemed to have at least one accident each per day we have had a really great day of it so far.
I dragged them out the house at 8.40am to drop JJ to school and then we came back and went to toddlers, we have been out from then until now, having stopped at KFC for lunch and nipped into Morrisons for supplies and here we are with both girls with the first knickers of the day still on! yay It is clicking! Luckily so, as I forgot to take the change bag with me today so if there had of been an accident we would of been 9 miles from home with no spare knicks, tights or nappies! So pleased you answered my prayers today Lord! Thank you.
What has me even more happy is the fact that the girls (both of them) have actually asked me to take them to the loo. So far if we have been out, it has been me asking every half hour and marching them off to the loo. Today they have both asked me on separate occasions and then performed accordingly. Now I know you do not need to know this, but the things that make us Mums proud are amazing! Miss M asked me for the toilet in Morrisons and off we went and she did a poo too.
Hopefully we are on a roll now, it is day eight today. Sometime soon I hope for a totally dry day and a few hours where I can stop thinking about it.
I dragged them out the house at 8.40am to drop JJ to school and then we came back and went to toddlers, we have been out from then until now, having stopped at KFC for lunch and nipped into Morrisons for supplies and here we are with both girls with the first knickers of the day still on! yay It is clicking! Luckily so, as I forgot to take the change bag with me today so if there had of been an accident we would of been 9 miles from home with no spare knicks, tights or nappies! So pleased you answered my prayers today Lord! Thank you.
What has me even more happy is the fact that the girls (both of them) have actually asked me to take them to the loo. So far if we have been out, it has been me asking every half hour and marching them off to the loo. Today they have both asked me on separate occasions and then performed accordingly. Now I know you do not need to know this, but the things that make us Mums proud are amazing! Miss M asked me for the toilet in Morrisons and off we went and she did a poo too.
Hopefully we are on a roll now, it is day eight today. Sometime soon I hope for a totally dry day and a few hours where I can stop thinking about it.
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
That well known cure!
I have discovered a great new website (Things my Child Says) and in honour of this I thought I would post about a conversation I had in the car this morning with the twinnies. Do go and visit this site and give yourself a good chuckle.
There we are driving to work and nursery and.....
Miss M - 'My tummy hurts' (nothing new there, she is a drama queen and has been trying to throw sickies from nursery since she was about 18 months)
Miss E - 'My hurt too mummy'
Me - 'Oh dear, What are we going to do with you two?'
Miss E - 'Puzzles Mummy!'
So there we have it, the very well known cure for stomach problems. Do some puzzles with your Mummy and all will be resolved. LOL I think my afternoon is mapped out for me now.
There we are driving to work and nursery and.....
Miss M - 'My tummy hurts' (nothing new there, she is a drama queen and has been trying to throw sickies from nursery since she was about 18 months)
Miss E - 'My hurt too mummy'
Me - 'Oh dear, What are we going to do with you two?'
Miss E - 'Puzzles Mummy!'
So there we have it, the very well known cure for stomach problems. Do some puzzles with your Mummy and all will be resolved. LOL I think my afternoon is mapped out for me now.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
My life in Music
I read a blog post last week by the inspirational Mummy Nickie at Typecast. She challenged her readers to open their music library, put it on shuffle, press play and write down for every question, the song that's playing. I have been wanting to do this since and just trying to find the time and seeing as I am avoiding organising Friday nights quiz, what better time than to listen to some tunes!
Oh and one other thing - she reminds us, don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...just type it! I wasn't going to.......honest
So here is mine -
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
Opening Credits: Nothing compares to You, Sinead O'Connor
Waking Up: Where the streets have no name, Pet Shop Boys (yes this is dh's!)
First Day At School: Love plus one, Haircut 100
Falling In Love: Holy, Holy, Tim Hughes
Losing Virginity: One Love, Bob Marley (well that fits!!)
Fight Song: Wild World, Cat Stevens (I do not even know who he is - another of dh's!)
Breaking Up: I'll be missing you, 112 featuring Faith Evans (Gosh this song ricks!)
Prom: Love shine a light, Katrina and the waves (oh dear dh, were did your taste in music come from??)
Life: The only way is Up, Yazz
Mental Breakdown: Brown eyed girl, Van Morrison (with a breakdown? is that because my eyes are blue?)
Driving: I will Survive, Gloria Gaynor
Flashback: Hand in my pocket, Alanis Morissette
Getting Back Together: Mickey, Toni Basil (oh that so should of been my flashback tune, age 9ish flashing my knickers at school!)
Wedding: Now is the time, Delirious?
Birth of Child: We will rock you, Queen (well I did have twins the second time round!! lol)
Final Battle: Someday I'll be Saturday Night, Bon Jovi
Death Scene: We come to be with you today, Gareth Robinson (very appropriate, as the song is about being with Jesus)
Funeral Song: Things can only get better, Dream (another apt choice for me as a believer that the ultimate life is after death)
credits: The Timewarp, From the Rocky Horror Picture Show
Some funny and appropriate ones in there. I have got to have a good listen to some songs I have not heard in an age and a few I will be quite happy not to hear again. That is the problem with the itunes actually being dh's and I just tag on!
Why not have a go yourself?
Oh and one other thing - she reminds us, don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...just type it! I wasn't going to.......honest
So here is mine -
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
Opening Credits: Nothing compares to You, Sinead O'Connor
Waking Up: Where the streets have no name, Pet Shop Boys (yes this is dh's!)
First Day At School: Love plus one, Haircut 100
Falling In Love: Holy, Holy, Tim Hughes
Losing Virginity: One Love, Bob Marley (well that fits!!)
Fight Song: Wild World, Cat Stevens (I do not even know who he is - another of dh's!)
Breaking Up: I'll be missing you, 112 featuring Faith Evans (Gosh this song ricks!)
Prom: Love shine a light, Katrina and the waves (oh dear dh, were did your taste in music come from??)
Life: The only way is Up, Yazz
Mental Breakdown: Brown eyed girl, Van Morrison (with a breakdown? is that because my eyes are blue?)
Driving: I will Survive, Gloria Gaynor
Flashback: Hand in my pocket, Alanis Morissette
Getting Back Together: Mickey, Toni Basil (oh that so should of been my flashback tune, age 9ish flashing my knickers at school!)
Wedding: Now is the time, Delirious?
Birth of Child: We will rock you, Queen (well I did have twins the second time round!! lol)
Final Battle: Someday I'll be Saturday Night, Bon Jovi
Death Scene: We come to be with you today, Gareth Robinson (very appropriate, as the song is about being with Jesus)
Funeral Song: Things can only get better, Dream (another apt choice for me as a believer that the ultimate life is after death)
credits: The Timewarp, From the Rocky Horror Picture Show
Some funny and appropriate ones in there. I have got to have a good listen to some songs I have not heard in an age and a few I will be quite happy not to hear again. That is the problem with the itunes actually being dh's and I just tag on!
Why not have a go yourself?
Monday, 1 February 2010
Grace in Small Things
Feeling grateful today, 5 little things I have to be happy about -
1. I am abstinent today, no overeating for me! yay
2. I did OK with the interviews this morning, there was no need to have stressed.
3. I have nearly finished all the organisation for the quiz night I am running Friday night.
4. My babes are all wonderful and went to sleep lovely tonight, no fuss.
5. I am about to watch Hustle and enjoy a nice cuppa before an early night.
What are you happy about? leave me a comment....
1. I am abstinent today, no overeating for me! yay
2. I did OK with the interviews this morning, there was no need to have stressed.
3. I have nearly finished all the organisation for the quiz night I am running Friday night.
4. My babes are all wonderful and went to sleep lovely tonight, no fuss.
5. I am about to watch Hustle and enjoy a nice cuppa before an early night.
What are you happy about? leave me a comment....