Missing
Have you spotted my joy?
Lost sometime in the last couple of weeks.
Can be spotted by the warm glow or big smile on my face.
Reward offered, as much loved by my kids.
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That's right, I seem to have lost my Joy, very careless of me. I can not really start to explain to you what joy is and why it is different to happiness. I will try though. For me joy is a positive state of being, I might not be happy at that very moment but I can see the good in the situation and I know that God is in the midst and that I am being taken care of.
Right now I am not feeling that, I feel overwhelmed. Nothing too major is happening in my life but you know sometimes lots of little bits of crap come together and they make you feel pretty stressed? Well that is right here, right now for me.
I have seen glimpses of my joy in the last few days, out at the theatre with my Mum, at the Zoo with my family for the girls birthday and kissing my babes goodnight as they snoozed earlier on but that is it - just glimpses. It comes and moments later I feel blue and despondent again. I did not really realise this until today. Work is awful at the moment, we are bogged down and understaffed and I feel we are offering a much worse than normal service and in truth I feel compromised. I do so hate that, being the perfectionist that I am, only the best service will do and it is hard for me to tell people there is about a 2 week wait currently for my team to process their work.
I am glad I have had this realisation that I am feeling down, I can keep an eye on this and ensure it does not get any worse. The only word I could think of to describe how I felt earlier was despondent. I walked outside my house to take the bin bags out and looked at the pile of rubbish that needs to go to the dump, the front lawn full of weeds that needs a mow and the driveway which needs de-weeding and I wondered how things had got quite so messy. Then stepping back in my house I viewed the cream carpet that just makes me want to cry, the hire washer just does not cut it anymore but where will the money come from to replace it?
Oh woe is me! That is how I feel reading this back. My worries are very thin compared to many people's. Ultimately I know I am blessed and lucky, I am also just a little greedy and want more but that is part of being a flawed human. This rollercoaster of emotions that us women go through each month can be a real trial........ but tomorrow is another day and I am determined it will be a much better one.
This is all just 'a storm in a teacup' afterall!
This post was written for Josie's writing workshop. I used the one word prompt 'storm'.