So what was different about this week? A bit of a double whammy really - my boys have been away this week, for the whole week and this has happened before, a few times in fact but this it the first time that things have continued as normal at home whilst they have been away. I have been at work, the girls at nursery and Nanny has not been to stay with us. You see, this is what normally happens when the boys go away. Mum and I take it as an opportunity to have some girl time, I book the time off work and we have our own holiday at home but we are off on our real holidays in a couple of weeks and my work is full on at the moment, so I decided this time I ought to be grown up and see if I can single handidly parent a couple of pesky twinnies for a week!
I survived and so did they and in the process here are some of the things I have learnt this week -
- A house is far easier to look after with just 3 people in it, even if one of those 3 is the biggest mess maker of all. I suppose when I only have to have enough emotional energy and patience for 2 kids rather than 3 I can be more 'on form' and able to engage the kids in all sorts to help me clean and sort things
- My house is quiet without my vivacious boy, I did not realise how much I had missed him until I set eyes on him again
- and better than that, as soon as he saw me he gave me a big hug and a kiss, told me he had missed me and he had bought me a gift from his own pennies (we must be bringing them up all right!)
- I can do it, I can look after my kids on my own and not fall over! In fact better than that, without burning myself out I can do loads of activities with the girls and have some fun times out with them all as part of a normal week
- That it is worth feeling fat and getting in my swimming cossie even when all the other Mums are not, because I had the best fun having an hour in the water with my little girls. Their squels of delight as I threw them up in the air and dipped them back in the water were reward in themselves.
- That I like life in the summer holidays, no school walks, no after school clubs or kids for tea and no picking dh up from the station, it all makes such a difference
- That running a very busy training course can be completely satisfying, I do hope next Monday and Tuesday feel the same, wish me luck with the 90 people I will train on those 2 days, arrggh
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| I'm loving this picture! My boy on camp blowing his trumpet! |
But my biggest learning by far has been that I need to do more to please myself and make sure I get some rest and relaxation when dh and JJ are home. I am not intrinsically a selfish person, it is not my nature to just take care of myself so next time I feel I should have a rest or read a book for 1/2 an hour I must listen, take note and then act on it. For some strange reason I always have the feeling I should be constantly busy and that I should explain myself to dh if I am not. This is a bit crazy as he is not the kind of guy to question what I do and I certainly do not think he would ever accuse me of letting the house or the kids go.
I have felt so free and happy just answering to myself this week and I need to make sure this continues. If I am too knackered to cook a full meal, then so be it. I do not need to answer to dh, he does not demand or expect it, so I do not know why I feel a crazy internal pressure to perform and do it. I actually think that if I am more relaxed and focused in the moment, rather than planing and living life at break-neck speed we will be happier and more fulfilled as a couple and as a family. If I show some vulnerability and ask him to help and cook the meal he may even appreciate being needed, don't you think?
How about you, are you good at looking after yourself?