I was at one of my counselling sessions a couple of weeks back and the counsellor asked me what I thought about something eating and weight related (I can't recall exactly what) and I sat there for a few moments and I got quite scared. You know what? I had no idea what I thought. I knew what the theories say, I have read numerous books and been to various clubs and fellowships to learn about my issues with eating but the sad things is I had no idea what I thought. What does Mich believe?
Well I'll tell you what I believe - I believe I have got a bit lost along the way. I have done so much study and tried so many different things that I now have no real idea what is me and what is just stuff I have read. There I was trying to be a diligent little solider learning more and more, quenching my thirst for all things new and what have I actually done? Confused myself. Whoops.
So today I had a bit of a clear out - no more diet or self-help books for me, even Christian ones. Everything I need to know is in my manual for life (yes the Bible) and whilst it is not the easiest read it is one that gets better with time and understanding. I'll still read some fiction, a bit of fluff is good for the soul but no more books designed to change me.
Off I go now to the charity shop in town, to drop this lot off (and quite a few more too) -
What was I thinking of with some of those books?
On a related note, a film I watched last also really struck me. I was watching P.S. I Love You and the widow was reading one of the letters from her deceased husband. In it he tells her he is not afraid she will forget him but it is the girl he first met, the one full of hopes and dreams that he worries about, as she keeps getting lost along the way. I thought yes, that is me. I have lost sight of me along the way. The lures of this modern world have hooked me in and I have forgotten who I am in Christ.
So this is the next leg of my life journey - to re find me. The me that is a devoted disciple and wishes to live for Christ, not for instant gratification or the search of perfection.
My Pastor had some wise words for me in his sermon this morning, when I am making a wrong choice (and lets be honest, we know when it is a wrong choice) I just need to apply one simple rule - 'don't do it'! Yes it is that simple. Go to overeat - stop myself and pray. Say something harsh to my children in the heat of the moment - stop, apologise and pray etc.
Life is not easy but it is generally simple and the more I remember that the better.
Us humans are far too guilty of making things more complex than they need to be.
What about you, anything cluttering up your life that you need to ditch?