That was exactly how I felt this morning when I dropped my kids at school.
I hate that feeling.
I walked away wishing I could stay home with my little Miss M. My stomach in knots, my heart fluttering saying ‘my baby’ but my sensible head cutting through it saying ‘she’ll be OK, school will call me If they need me’…… but I don’t want to feel like that.
I’m sure most working mums (and probably some working dads too) feel compromised and yes even guilty. I’m not one to start judging others, I truly believe in live and let live. We all make choices in life and are accountable for those choices and as long as each of us can live with the choice we made then that is fine by me. You probably know my belief by now – God is the only one who can judge us and thankfully He is a kind and loving God full of grace.
So I’m not writing this to attack anyone about their lifestyle choice, this is a post about me and how all day I have had the word ‘compromised’ in my mind and I’m so pleased that my family’s life is about to change and I won’t have to feel compromised any more. I can drop the kids to school and pick them up every day and if they are poorly I can stay home with them and this is so important to me.
My new word will be compromise, as averse to feeling compromised. Only a slight differing in the actual word but acres of difference in the meaning. Our new family set-up won’t all be roses to the outside observer , what we are doing looks a bit crazy to many, especially those who do not share our faith and even some who do! Compromise will be key - we are dropping our family’s income by two thirds and we will need to change the way we live, the holidays we take and the things we can spend our money on. But those materialistic things are nothing in comparison to the joy I feel at living in a place that is filled with God and like-minded friends, at finding a community to be a part of and to have time and acres of beautiful countryside to enjoy being with my beloved family.
I know I should be living in the day and enjoying each one as it comes along, so I pray Lord that you help me with that. If I’m honest right now I’d love to wish it to be late June and I’ll have finished work, sold the house and be packing to start the next chapter in our family story.
I feel so blessed and my heart is overflowing with gratitude but I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses and I realise that life has the harder parts as well as those we fly though.
But what about you? How are you feeling right now? Do you feel as if you are in the right place, doing the right thing? If not, it might be time to reflect, pray and take some time to contemplate the future and your next steps…
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