It has been a really uncomfortable week, you know the kind -
just nothing sits quite right and you don’t really feel your normal contented
self.
Logically I know all is OK, I’m on track in life and I’m
where God wants me to be right now. I don’t have all the answers and I have no
idea where I‘m heading but that is OK, I’m willing to trust and know that the
right things will come in time.
I believe it is one of those weeks when God is working on
you, refining you, revealing to you the parts you need to work on, those that
are still of the flesh and full of sin. I’m reminded of something I once read - that God is more concerned with your character than your comfort and that is exactly
how this week has been - uncomfortable.
I’ve not been inspired to write and that is so unlike me, in
fact I’ve not wanted to do much, I’ve just felt blur and at odds with myself. I
went to a session last Monday evening about life coaching and this really
opened me up to some serious self-examination. In fact it threw up in the air
some things I thought I knew about myself.
It reminded me of traits I don’t like about myself. Like my
desire to be liked, to feel needed, to be respected, to be able to help and to
be seen rather than invisible. I have no idea quite why I’m so needy, I really
do need to examine that or give it a poke as Antonia would say.
For many years now God has been telling me to stop ‘doing’ and
to start ‘being’ and I think I have done quite well with that over the last six
months or so since we moved but I’ve got to a point where I feel I need to be
doing more and making more of an impact but actually this week God has been telling
me that what I need to do is work on accepting me for who I am and not worrying
about doing so much. I need to rely on God more and look to Him for affirmation
and guidance, rather than worrying that I don’t fit in here, that no-one likes
my kids or that I’m a fat slob.
I need to find that perfect balance of doing enough to
enable me to become the person God wants me to be and coming to a place where I just
love and accept me for being me. Not having to accomplish anything, just liking
Mich and knowing I’m OK.
There is work to be done here....... but it is all a journey and I'll get there in His good time.
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