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| Close up Wooden cross necklace from Shutterstock |
I think the simple answer to the question ‘Why am I a Christian?’ is ‘Because of God.’ I did, I admit, go looking for Him, and He found me. I know that sounds confusing, and probably a bit over-spiritual, but I’ll share a bit of my story.
Having grown up in a Christian home, with
Christian parents, going to church every week, I never really questioned the
existence of God. What I did question was what I saw as a fairly restrictive
lifestyle: a lifestyle where my teenage version of having fun was disapproved
of; a lifestyle where my friends (none of whom were Christians) wouldn’t fit
in; a lifestyle which looked very much about duty, and very little about joy.
I think a big factor in that way of
thinking was that I didn’t have any friends my own age who were Christians. I
was pretty much on my own in my parents’ church. Now, I look at groups of
teenagers from my own church, and hope that they are actually friends, that
they do hang out together. Anyway.
At University, I went to church
occasionally. I didn’t join the Christian Union, or do any of the things that a
Christian student is supposed to do. I found my friends eventually, and
connected with God through music – I was part of the Gospel Choir and then the
Chamber Choir – but my own personal relationship with God, which was never
consistent on my part, had fallen by the wayside.
Then, in 2003, I went to live and work
abroad for a year. I had a lot of time to reflect that year, and decided to
give God ‘one last go,’ as I told myself. I would read the Bible, pray and go
to church.
So I did. In that year, God spoke to me in
so many completely unexpected ways, and always with such grace. I would start
to pray, expecting to feel completely guilty and condemned, and instead, I
would feel completely, inexplicably loved. This is a pattern I have found
repeated again and again. I would wake up in the middle of the night, convinced
I had heard an audible voice, with a strange, wonderful sense of peace.
I kept a prayer diary – just a notebook
with a record of things I prayed for daily. I started having to add a praise
column, as so many of my prayers had been answered.
I also really started to enjoy church. I went to
an English-speaking church and made some real friends there. For the first
time, I was becoming more consistent in my relationship with God. I
won’t say it was easy, as it took discipline, but I enjoyed it – or, to
re-phrase that, it was a source of joy for me.
When I moved back to the UK in 2004, I
moved to Manchester. There, I chose a church for myself – a large, lively,
active church, where the worship was great and the teaching was sound. Most
importantly, my faith in God grew. I had different experiences – worshipping
and praying with different people, learning from more experienced Christians –
and my understanding of the nature of God grew. Repeatedly, I experienced God’s
love and grace. Whenever I was unsure about something, particularly something
big, like whether to apply for a job or where to live, I sensed God guiding me,
and making decisions more and more obvious to me.
At this time, for the first time in my
life, I had brilliant Christian friends who I could be ‘normal’ with. Unlike in
my teenage years, having a faith was no longer living a lifestyle filled with
duty, but living a lifestyle where you could talk to your best friends about
boys, prayer, clubbing, work and Jesus. As well as your latest Bible study and your favourite pair of shoes.
Eventually, one of those boys we discussed
was Tim, and we got married in 2009. Since
then, we have moved houses, counties and churches. We are about to have our
second child. Being a Christian isn’t always easy, and it’s certainly not
usually the first thing I think about when I wake up, but it’s still brilliant.
God is still there for us. Prayers work. Reading the Bible works.
It changes your perspective completely,
although perhaps I didn’t realise this at the time I became a Christian. You’re
much more motivated by love, by kindness, than you were. There is a sense of
duty, but it is a joy-filled duty – a chance to show God’s love to other
people. I go to church because I genuinely enjoy going. When I look for God, He
is there: He shows himself in all kinds of ways, whether I’m reading the Bible
or listening to a speaker at church, or whether I’m scrolling through my
Twitter feed or preparing another snack for my ever-hungry 3 year old.
I think one of the biggest things is that
I’m not alone. God is with me, even when it feels like He is not. I have a
terrible fear of loneliness, and can often feel lonely when I’m with lots of
other people, or with my family. God has helped me and comforted me through
this. More than that, He has given me a community that I can, with a bit of
effort, be a part of.
He also gives me a purpose. I’m a mother,
and there is huge purpose in that, but I’m also a teacher. I can get caught up
in the details of which child has made expected progress and why, but my faith
helps me to keep this in perspective: ultimately, I’m there for the whole
child, not just the bit of the brain which can analyse poetry. He gives me a
purpose within my church, and He has given me the confidence to step up and
say, “I’d like to have a go at doing this.”
I do really enjoy being a Christian, and
try hard to make it a natural, normal part of my life. I really hope that my
children see that too.
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Naomi is a 33-year old mum of one, who is currently expecting her second baby any day. She works as a teacher and blogs about her life in Lancashire at The Organised Life Project.
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