I've been feeling a bit poorly over the last week and to be honest it has made me a tad grumpy at times and certainly my patience and tolerance for noise and mess has been low. After a number of nights with interrupted sleep and only limited rest we decided not to go to church Sunday morning as I just didn't think I'd be able to function for the rest of the day and my husband had been out at Night Church until the early hours of the morning.
The girls and I had made a deal to get their homework done and to tidy their bedrooms before lunch and then the afternoon would be more relaxed with a photography walk and a cream tea after. The morning started well as I had managed to get about six hours sleep and we got all the homework out the way pretty early and with minimal fuss.
It was then time to start the clear up of the bedrooms and before we could even start that I realised the lounge was a mess from where the girls had been up before me. In truth they had been really good and got themselves some breakfast and turned the TV onto low to chill and do some colouring whilst I continued to rest but for a few minutes all I saw was the mess in the lounge.
Thankfully my logic kicked in and I knew they had not been naughty and didn't deserve to be moaned at for leaving their snuggle blankets, breakfast bowls and colouring across the lounge. They were only there as they knew I needed to sleep but as I took a duvet and some random cuddly toys back up the stairs I caught myself thinking 'I never want to tidy toys again' and thankfully I captured that thought and realised what it would mean.
Seriously I have three kids, two of which are just eight years old and the other is only twelve, do I really expect them never to be untidy again? No, is the simple answer, so then logic says if I never want to tidy toys again then I don't want them to be in my house or in my life. Would I want that? Of course not is the very easy and immediate answer, my children are the light of my life and actually I like being Mum and keeping our house nice.
I'm just feeling a bit rotten and I could do with a break. If I wasn't such a control freak I could have just left the lounge a mess, it wasn't that bad and no-one was coming over. You know what they say 'Be careful what you wish for'. Never in a million years would I want to wake up and find my house was pristine and spotless as there were no children in it. The time will come soon enough when they are all older and don't want or need me anymore.
For now, I really have to embrace and enjoy all that I have -
When JJ moans that he hates staff tea and he wishes it was the normal Sunday offering I need to feel grateful dh had the opportunity to talk to him and remind him just how lucky he is in life and to remember that.
When the girls are making such a racket in the bath squabbling about who will get which end of the bath, I need to be grateful that they still want to play together and know that one day I'll probably hate the quiet in my house as they are all off somewhere else doing other things.
When Miss E moans at me that she has not had snuggles for at least two days, I need to just stop what I'm doing and snuggle her as those are the times that keep me going when I feel down, not the to-do list that has been ticked off.
When I hear yet again that Miss M has had an issue at school and received yet another red card I need to rise to the parenting challenge and know that my husband and I are raising a firecracker. This little girl will have the potential to change the world as she does not want to be constrained or told no.
When they all come to me with their moans and whines of 'Muuuum' I need to stop and thank the Lord for my life and the blessing that these three children bring to me every day. They feel so confident that I will always be there for them that there is no question of whether they should pester me with every little thing that comes to their mind. I am their Mum, their trusted one and they know I'll be there for them.
I think I need to go ahead and re-title this post now - I want to tidy their toys away forever.
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