I've was away at Spring Harvest a couple of weeks ago, it's a large Christian festival that our family have been going to each Easter-time since our kids were born. It's a time I absolutely love as the kids get to go to groups each morning and evening (now they are older) and spend time with other kids that share our faith. Then my husband and I get time to be together - to have a coffee, attend a teaching session or maybe just take a walk. This isn't a holiday based on spending lots of money or doing amazing activities, it is all about each of our relationship with God and with each other.
The format for the teaching has been a bit
different this year and the majority has been all together within a large venue
seating around 3000. I can't say this is my preferred style of worship and
receiving teaching and in previous years I've been able to go to smaller
break-out sessions which are much more my style. I can however, totally understand why
they have chosen to have the adult teaching all together as the theme this year
is unity within the church and us all being 'one for all' but as I said I don't
find it the easiest way to digest information.
So from day two I headed to the only other venue
with teaching at this time and it was on biblical
Parenting, run by the charity Care for theFamily. I love this charity and have always attended their sessions at all the
Spring Harvests I've been to over the last decade as well as joining in with
their parenting course recently and attending the 'Mums the Word' evening. But
I had foolishly thought I had heard all they had to offer and how wrong was I?
Or maybe it is just like the bible that at different stages in your life you
get different messages from the same teaching.
I was challenged and excited by what I heard and
in the two sessions I attended, I wrote more notes than in the others all
combined. I think the biggest thing that will stay with me forever is Rob
Parsons saying -
"Rules without relationship equals
rebellion"
And this is so true, both as a parent but also
in our own faith. We can't just attend Church and follow the rules, we have to
know Jesus and to treat Him as our best friend otherwise our faith lacks
authenticity and the strength to carry us through the tough times that life
throws at us.
As I sat there I was so pleased to be able to
think about all the ways my husband and I are building relationship with our
kids and I felt comforted to know that we are building up the emotional bank
that Stephen Covey describes in his books. Because I go out with JJ alone
sometimes and we have coffee, laugh and chat when he is rude to me, like any 13
year old is, trying to push the boundaries, I can say to him, 'this isn't fair,
I deserve better' and he knows I'm right.
When Miss M pushes me away because she is in a
bad mood as I've enforced a boundary and told her she cannot yet do something
as she is only 9 years old and not 19, often my response to her is that I love
her and she shouldn't treat me like this, as I act in her best interests
always. She knows this is true and she knows this as I choose to sit down and
hug her whilst watching some rubbish kids TV or because we tidied her room
together, chatting away as we did.
Every child is different and they all need to
build relationship in a way that speaks to them but what relationship is always
about is time. Not money, not gifts, not permission to do what they like but
time spent together and it isn't always convenient, life isn't like that. Miss
E especially has to pluck up the courage to talk about anything that is
troubling her which normally means that at 9.15pm when she should be asleep I
am sat on the edge of her bed listening to her worries and then praying them
through with her so Jesus can take them away.
Today more than any other I feel privileged to
have been gifted my three precious children. Each so very different but each
with amazing gifts and so much love to give. They aren't perfect, they're not
model Christian kids (if there is such a thing), they haven't all made a
commitment to Christ, none have yet chosen to be baptised and yes they are all
regular, naughty at times kids but Jesus sees their hearts and He knows the
skills and treasures that await unlocking and I can't wait to see how Christ
moves in their lives and spurs them into action.
For now I'll keep on enjoying them and building
our relationships whilst they are happy to enjoy time with me. And all those
things I don't really want to do, like going swimming at 9.30pm on holiday,
I'll just push on with as I know that it won't always be like this. One day
they'll want their friends or partner more then they want me. So despite it
being inconvenient or not to my liking I need to take the opportunities for
building relationship where I can.
How are you building relationship with your kids?
How are you building relationship with your kids?
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