You know sometimes there is something brewing inside you and you're not even really sure what it is? Well God's been speaking to me and I've been trying really hard to listen and to understand what He has been saying. In fact I've been trying to write this blog post for days but it just hasn't flowed and I think that is because I've been absorbing and allowing His message and words to fall deep within me.
I've always known that God is more interested in my character than my comfort. He never created me to live a blessed life and to have things my way. I'm not here to get what I want out of life, I am here to serve His purpose and to be a disciple of Jesus, showing others the way to a better life by knowing Him. Of course this isn't always easy though as by my very flawed nature as a human I am selfish and think of me first. I want what I want.
Recently I've been seeking a job, something to give me satisfaction and where I can feel useful but the only interview that I went to didn't work out and I have to say I was surprised but a few weeks down the line and I'm not at all, I now see it is for the best. I was trying to fill a round hole with a square peg. I don't just need any old job, I need whatever it is that God has planned for me and it may well not fall into my timing but when His timing comes it will be so good, of that I'm sure.
I'm learning to Ignore the inner voices, the ones in my head that say I should be working, I should be busy, I shouldn't be enjoying my life as much as I am and I'm tuning in to God's voice. The one that says spend time with me Michelle, slow down, enjoy life, smell the roses and take care of yourself. I keep hearing the word abide, and abide means to accept or to act in accordance with, so when I look at the verse below I remember I have to be fully immersed in my relationship with God to be able to produce fruit.
"Abide in me, and I will abide in you. Just as the branch cannot produce fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me." John 15:4
Through listening to a God Centered Mom podcast the other day (if you've never listened do, I adore them. Yes the women on there can come across as a little different to us as they are American but these are godly women with amazing messages to share) I heard a message from Sara Hagerty and she was talking about how we try and push for a purpose in our lives. Instead of us waiting for God's purpose to be revealed in His time, we try and rush in to things and in doing this we upset His (perfect) order.
She makes the point that we don't expect a toddler to be able to do complex algebra equations as it is accepted a child will develop in a certain order and Gods order for our lives is for us to really get to know Him and to dig in deep, ready to accept whatever it is He has designed us for. When we are ready or 'fit for purpose' (the phrase God has planted on my heart over the years) He will then reveal all and until that time we need to stay out of His way and not try to divert the course of our lives into our own paths.
I have to remember that there is no shame in not yet knowing what Gods purpose is for my life. He has a calling for us all but it comes at different times for different people. It doesn't matter that I am 44 and don't yet feel I know what it is that I am supposed to be doing. He wants me to put one foot in front of the other and to keep moving forward with positive steps that help me to be ready for when He needs me.
God sees the unseen, it doesn't matter if people think I'm just sat at home watching TV all day, He knows what I'm doing and I only have to answer to him. He delights when I mend Miss E's teddies as that makes her happy. He smiles as I chat to JJ and we laugh until we hurt and He nods as I have to gently chide and guide Miss M about some of her choices or words
Right now God has placed me in the privileged position of being in a season of mothering and it might be nothing I ever planned to partake in but here I am and it is my responsibility to make the most of it and enjoy it. As I do the cooking that I really don't enjoy, or scrub under the very mucky cooker He sees me and says Michelle, I delight in you and when you became mine I gave you a new name - Michelle, full of grace and boldness.
I don't often feel full of grace, so I just need to believe and live up to His expectations of me and I am awaiting revelation on the boldness bit. He'll tell me how I have to be bold when I'm ready and the time is right.
Thank you Lord, that you know me and love me and even though You know all those little flaws I have You still delight in me and want to see the best in my life. Help me Father to please do Your will and to prioritise your tasks over my own. Please strengthen me in those areas that you know I find difficult, I truly want to be fit for your purpose. You are the most awesome God and I love to praise You. Amen
Bless you all who have read this post. I hope something I have written has touched you and helped you to remember that He sees you, whatever it is you are doing and it is never too late to draw close to Him. Our Fathers heart is big enough for us all. Mich x
Why not in this post for later?
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