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| Out of all the Christmas lights in Brighton on Boxing Day this was the only one I wanted to take a photo of, I now know why! |
I really love the idea of having a word for the year that guides you and keeps you focused on what you want to achieve. I've shared many times that I don't like resolutions as for me, they just end up dragging me down when I break them. I think having a focus word is a lot kinder and I am able to not beat myself up when I don't meet my own expectation of perfection, which of course is often.
Last years guiding word was Trust. I needed to trust more in the Lord and in myself that I could make changes and achieve the things I needed to. When I look back over the last year if I am using my critical eyes I'd say that nothing has changed, that I'm still in the same place as I was a year ago and most of that unloving assessment would come from the fact that I am still very overweight.
However what I have learnt over the last year is that I have far more value than the weight on the scales gives me. I am intrinsically valuable, just because. I don't have to be slim to be loved.
I've been on the Freedom in Christ course and that has been super helpful in making me put down lots of baggage around guilt and past actions. I've also done lots of work on feeling rejected and accepting that I am worth it.
I have my operation for my terrible periods coming up in 2 weeks and that is a big step forward. I also have my appointment for my orthotics to be fitted in a week and I pray that will start to help ease my foot and leg pain. With progress in both these health areas, my weight loss will become much more achievable.
Charity work that had run its course has been let go and I've started new voluntary work to replace it. I'm in a good place with my life generally and I really enjoy all the ways I get to serve my family, community and the Lord.
I need to look through my kind eyes and know there HAS been change and there HAS been progression and it is because I have been able to trust the Lord.
Trusting myself is the part I have found harder and after a lot of evaluation and introspection I have realised that I never achieve the weight loss because I don't truly believe I can. I'm not sure if this is connected to me believing I am worth it or just that I doubt my abilities.
Therefore my guiding word for 2018 is Believe.
I went through so many other words first and it wasn't a quick process to find the right one. Some of those considered were Peace, Change, Free, Fit, Wellness, Shine, Ready and Kind came a very close second. But in the end Believe won as you have to believe to achieve.
- I need to believe I am significant and worthy of good outcomes
- I need to believe I can make the right choices with food
- I need to believe that exercising is necessary and can be enjoyable
- I need to believe I will lose weight
- I need to believe I am loved
- I need to believe my actions make a difference
- I need to believe the best of others
- I need to believe I have the time to spend with God each day
"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:22
I am believing that at the end of 2018 I will be far more healthy and lighter than I am right now. That is my one goal for the year. To do this year what I have failed to do for the last two decades - lose weight so I can live a full and free life without being held back by my weight or the health issues it brings.
Lord, I believe that when I place my hand in yours and make an effort, I can do this. Thank you for sticking with me. Amen
