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| Photo by HENCE THE BOOM on Unsplash |
Nine stone, that is a lot of weight.
It is a whole person.
Did I ever dream I'd weigh as much as two people?
No of course not.
It was never my dream.
So how did it happen?
I couldn't even tell you quite honestly.
I've been overweight for as long as I can remember.
It has been the primary focus of my life since my early teenage years.
My being fat is completely tied up with my mental well being and my beliefs about myself.
I've been seriously working on unravelling those beliefs and being kind to myself for the last five years.
I am making progress.
Internal progress.
Yet again I have started at a diet club.
I joined Slimming World on New Years Day.
And I've been struggling ever since.
There have been small loses. To date in 2019 it is 5lb that I've lost.
As I left the club last night, I wondered if it was worth it, if I just lost 2.5lb a month, each month for the year, would it make a difference? I was surprised to see it would mean I'd lose 30lbs this year. That's just over two stone and when you have nine to lose, is it even worth bothering with? I'd still be very, very fat and I suspect feeling unhappy with my weight.
However, I've been pondering this topic ever since and I have decided that yes it is worth it. Really worth it. Every 10-15lb drop is a dress size and that means I'd be two dress sizes smaller at the end of the year. Also WedMD suggests that even a drop of 10lbs can make a difference to your blood sugar levels, risk of developing diabetes, blood pressure and stress on your joints.
At the moment I have asthma, high blood pressure and arthritic joints, so any weight loss I achieve is important. For years I have expected loses of 5lb a week as my 'reward' for abstaining and not eating the things I want to, but that mindset has to change. At slimming World you often hear people saying 'a loss is a loss' and I've always thought 'yeah right, who wants 1/2lb off' but you know what? I do.
I'm learning my journey is different to others. It's proving to be a very long and rocky road but that's OK, I am learning, growing and changing along the way.
If I maintain my 2.5lb a month loss on an ongoing basis, I'd have lost seven stone in just over 3 years and then the full 9 stone in just over four years. I would weigh the least I have weighed for over two decades and it means by the time I turn fifty, I could be truly fabulous with a BMI that is considered healthy and hopefully no health ailments holding me back.
I'll turn 50 on 15th August 2023, so I actually have time to achieve this goal and then I'd have around the next thirty years to really enjoy being a healthy weight.
I'm really quite choked up thinking about this possibility, It is the first time I've ever felt it was realistic and I could do this. No quick fixes, just the gym and swimming every week, eating better and taking it slowly. Hopefully by doing it that way the loss will be able to be maintained and I won't suffer too badly with saggy skin, which is a real fear of mine.
Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes and helping me to believe that with you by my side I can do this.
